Hoping

    The other day, Elizabeth and I were talking about Santa Clause. Now, I know that her mom and dad downplay Santa and are teaching their children that Santa is pretend. I asked Elizabeth if Santa was coming to her house. She said, with all the innocence and expectation that a three-year-old can have, "I hope." Her two little words were full of sweetness and anticipation.

     Hebrews 11 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." I think we have hope placed in our DNA. We are made for something beyond this world. We were designed for a perfect place and we desire in our deepest parts to be in that perfect place. Unfortunately, I often spend my energy in trying to make my little world perfectly comfortable instead of looking to the one who will bring me into the fulfilling relationship that I truly desire in my heart of hearts. I need a hero, a rescuer, a knight in shining armour -- a Savior.
     Christmas is all about hope and anticipation. There is a line in a popular Christmas hymn which describes the time of Jesus' birth, "the dawn of redeeming love". In all of history, the day Jesus was born is at the center of importance in the unfolding of God's redemptive plan. The birth of Jesus ushered in redemption. That's huge! That's what we're celebrating this time of year. In that redeeming love lies our hope.

Get Out of the Boat

     Wow, it's getting to the end of 2010.  I like to take inventory in the holiday season and think about what God has done in my life in the past year. There's always surprises - twists and turns that I never could have prepared for or expected.  
     This July, I started reading a book by John Ortberg entitled, "If you Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat." It was about making an effort to get out of your comfort zone by exercising faith in accomplishing God's will for your life. After a couple of chapters, I decided that it wasn't for me at that time. After all, I'd gotten out of the boat a couple times in the past year and things didn't work out so well. I was doing great just floating along - trying not to make any waves. Well, about halfway through September, God kicked me out of my boat - my nice, cozy boat that was doing just fine, or so I thought. Yeah, I had to get out of my comfort zone. Here is a quote from the preface of the book.

As a follower of Jesus, you want to go where he calls you. But walk on water? What does that mean? Walking on water means facing your fears and choosing not to let fear have the last word. Walking on water means discovering and embracing the unique calling of God on your life. Walking on water means experiencing the power of God in your life to do something you would not be capable of doing on your own. Expect a few waves to slap you in the face. Failure comes with the territory - but so does the strong hand of Jesus, pulling you up when the bottom drops out. 

    

                                                                                    
     Now every day I'm walking in faith. I definitely don't want fear or insecurity to have the last word in my life. God is always there. It's a good thing for a person to step out in unknown waters - and exciting to see what Jesus does. I just have to keep my focus on Him.

Getting Past the Hangups

     "And now He stands in victory. Sin's curse has lost its grip on me." 
    Why is it that I get so stressed out with the thought of being on call, working long hours, and being so very tired. It's more than just stress. It's a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and a feeling of dread. I have been placed in a job where I will be doing all those things again. It has been wonderful being out of that situation for about six months. It has been wonderful! Now I'm right smack dab in that scenario again after I have fought it for so long. It's so obvious to me that I am here because I'm supposed to be. Why does God return me to situations time and time again that make uncomfortable? Maybe He wants me to work through it, be healed and move on to bigger and better things. When I look back over my life I see where He has healed me bit by bit of many of my hangups. Believe me, I have plenty left - most of which I don't even realize exist. He's placing his finger on this one at this season in my life. He is healing me and freeing me all the time. I need to let Him do his work in my heart, grow me up, and set me free.
    Lord, I feel the basis of my dread is from a time when I felt totally abandoned in a call situation. I recognize my feelings of abandonment. I know I'm your child, you love me, you were there in my desperation, in my deep aloneness. I acknowledge my utter helplessness and dependence on you. Heal me from my false beliefs that have come out a painful experience. I choose to believe in the truth and reject the lies. You are my Father, you will take care of me. You are the King and I am your daughter. Oh, I know that doesn't mean that I will never have difficult situations. I reject the thoughts that the Evil One places in my mind of worthlessness, vulnerability to the whims of those in authority over me, and helplessness. You have given me authority over foul spirits and demons through the blood that you have shed for me on the cross. I do not allow them to have any place in my thoughts, my body, or my domain. I praise you! I give you the honor and glory due your name. You are worthy of all the honor and praise and glory that exists in the universe.

Journey

    Life is a journey. Instead of fighting against where my life is going, I need to realize that all the twists and turns in the road is part of the process. It's sometimes dangerous, sometimes treacherous, sometimes painful, and sometimes just plain monotonous. In the past year, I have taken so many rabbit trails when it comes to my career path, I don't know what to think. It's just part of the journey. No experience has to be wasted. I want to take from it what I can and move on. It's possible to miss out on a whole lifetime by being so focused on the "next thing" that the here and now is missed. What is God trying to tell my right now? Do I need to find my heart in this situation I am finding myself in? What nourishes me? What am I passionate about? How can I explore my belief systems and true values in relationship to my life right now?
   Lord thank you for the journey that is my life. From day to day sometimes I never could have imagined how things turn out. Thank you for leading me step by step on this road. Help me to trust you in every situation. I do trust you because you will lead me in the paths of righteousness for your name's sake. Your ways are good; beyond what I could ever think or imagine. May I always walk toward you, and if I fall in the ditch, give me the strength to get out of the ditch and back on the path that you have for me. Help me to make wise choices in all the areas of my life. Father, thank you that you are always with me; leading, guiding, giving strength. I surrender myself to you.

Rude Awakening

       Nathan was happily playing on the little tykes car at church. Another little boy came up and took his car - a bigger boy. Nathan went over and hugged his blanket and with tears in his eyes, waved bye bye to the car. That was his first lesson in world reality. It is heartbreaking. This world is a cold cruel place, with people that will steal your joy if you let them. It's just the beginning. Wow, I wish I could shield him from the heartache; protect him from the pain and sadness of loss. He will have many more experiences of loss in his life. He needs to be taught to go to the Lord with his heartache. A blanket is a good security source when you're two but not when you're twenty-two. Only Jesus can satisfy an aching heart.

Aternoon at Nana's

  I spent a fun afternoon with the girls. It makes me so happy when I ring the doorbell at Rachel's and the kids squeal with delight. We got started after packing everything up: cuppies, change of clothes etc. We drove to Winton Woods playground. It was kind of desolate, being a school day. After they were ready to leave, we went to Kroger. They didn't want to ride in the basket, of course, so I let them walk or ride on the outside of the basket. Reminder #1 Don't take 3 year olds to the store if you're in a hurry. I wasn't, so it turned out OK but I did feel myself becoming somewhat impatient. About halfway through the store, Lizzie said she had to go to the bathroom. We left the basket in the cracker aisle and made our way to front of the store. On walking in the restroom, I never realized how loud toilets flushing were. Elizabeth didn't want to sit on the toilet. After Evie did it, she agreed. There were no automatic flushers, so that was good. Lizzie got to control when the toilet was flushed. Those loud flushing toilets are SCARY. On the way home, I realized I had given my car keys to Rachel and I would be locked out of my house. If the outside and inside garage doors were unlocked, I might be in luck. I was able to get in the house through the garage! OK. get the groceries and the girls in the house and fix lunch.
   Did you know that if you put yellow, green, and blue M&M's in milk, the milk turns green. Lizzie carried out that experiment. Evie experimented with gravity by spilling milk on the table and floor with splashes. Then the dogs walked through it and there were little doggie milk prints all over the floor. We spent the afternoon reading and coloring and playing with toys and trying on Nana's shoes. Lizzie says, "I want to wear these princess shoes." They were the shoes I had worn to both Rachel and Emily's weddings.

     The girls didn't want to go home when it was time (I was going to be late to Bible study). Lizzie pulled the old rag doll routine when we got in the van. She wasn't going to get in her seat. So, I put her in her seat. By the time we got one mile down the road, they were both sleeping. We had a memorable day, we'll do it again sometime soon.

The Gift

     What a gorgeous day! Took a walk at Glenwood Gardens. At one point a goldfinch perched about two feet in front of me on a goldenrod. I felt like I could reach out and hold him. It was the strangest sensation. It was almost like I could feel the warmth of his sun-drenched feathers, the weight of him in my hand, and the softness of his little round belly. As he flew away, he chirped his goldenfinch song to me.

     The sky was so blue. You know, that blue on a peacock feather or a dragonfly wing; that deep aquamarine that has been imitated many times but never copied. I felt like a princes today with all the gifts of nature lavished on me from my Heavenly Father. Yes, I am a princess. My Father is the King and I am his daughter. He is the Lord of the hosts of angels, the Creator God of the universe, Abba Father, Daddy, Papa. He is my Father and he has taken care of me, He is taking care of me in this moment, and He will always, always take care of me.