Today I have been perusing past journal entries. I am amazed how the same theme keeps popping up time and time again in my writings, in my thoughts and in my relationship with God. The theme is trust. I struggle with trying to figure things out and not living my life in my own power. This has been a struggle of mine since I was a teenager. All throughout my young adult years, the main subject I have dealt with has been trusting God. And now, in my "middle" adult years trust continues to be the subject of my heartcry. You'd think I might get it after all this time. I guess it's a process - like a potter making a useful vessel.
The other part of the picture, which is totally related to trust, is faithfulness. God’s faithfulness. I can trust Him because He is faithful. He is always faithful. He always has seen me through. I have to laugh because the issues I was struggling with over a year ago related to my job, are the same issues that I am dealing with now and I have truly come full circle. It can be disconcerting to think that I have had three different jobs in the past year and now I am coming back to the exact same job that I left in December of 2009. In October of ’09 I journaled, “To stay in my position as circulator is so dead end. I just feel stagnant in my career and in my life. Why am I so dissatisfied?”
It’s like God said, “OK, you want something different? Go for it.”
I will have to say that I have met, and worked with a lot of different people that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I have seen many perspectives and broadened my horizons and realized that the grass is not always greener. The other thing that God has taught me through this is that maybe I’m not supposed to be getting “my fulfillment” through my career. Yes, I believe it is my ministry - my mission to care for, and learn from the people who God has placed in my life. But my fulfillment is to come from Him. He is the one who gives me my worth because He has created me in his image and has redeemed me.
Isaiah 31:3 ”I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving- kindness.”
A good friend of mine told me of an experience she had going through a labyrinth. According to the Encarta World English Dictionary, a labyrinth is a place of crisscrossing tunnels, passages or paths where it would be easy to become lost. Something that is made up of many different parts that is complicated and hard to understand. Now, doesn't that sound like life? Anyway, after traveling through this labyrinth, she ended up where she started - at the beginning. She was disappointed and wondered what the purpose was. She realized that she didn't really end up where she started, because she had experienced the journey. I take heart in that and in knowing life is a journey. When we feel like we're not making much progress, let's just keep traveling the path that is set before us. We are on a journey and we have choices. If we follow a rabbit trail, God will bring us back around and we will be the better for it. That's the trip of life. It's an adventure - the adventure of life.
