Journey

    Life is a journey. Instead of fighting against where my life is going, I need to realize that all the twists and turns in the road is part of the process. It's sometimes dangerous, sometimes treacherous, sometimes painful, and sometimes just plain monotonous. In the past year, I have taken so many rabbit trails when it comes to my career path, I don't know what to think. It's just part of the journey. No experience has to be wasted. I want to take from it what I can and move on. It's possible to miss out on a whole lifetime by being so focused on the "next thing" that the here and now is missed. What is God trying to tell my right now? Do I need to find my heart in this situation I am finding myself in? What nourishes me? What am I passionate about? How can I explore my belief systems and true values in relationship to my life right now?
   Lord thank you for the journey that is my life. From day to day sometimes I never could have imagined how things turn out. Thank you for leading me step by step on this road. Help me to trust you in every situation. I do trust you because you will lead me in the paths of righteousness for your name's sake. Your ways are good; beyond what I could ever think or imagine. May I always walk toward you, and if I fall in the ditch, give me the strength to get out of the ditch and back on the path that you have for me. Help me to make wise choices in all the areas of my life. Father, thank you that you are always with me; leading, guiding, giving strength. I surrender myself to you.

Rude Awakening

       Nathan was happily playing on the little tykes car at church. Another little boy came up and took his car - a bigger boy. Nathan went over and hugged his blanket and with tears in his eyes, waved bye bye to the car. That was his first lesson in world reality. It is heartbreaking. This world is a cold cruel place, with people that will steal your joy if you let them. It's just the beginning. Wow, I wish I could shield him from the heartache; protect him from the pain and sadness of loss. He will have many more experiences of loss in his life. He needs to be taught to go to the Lord with his heartache. A blanket is a good security source when you're two but not when you're twenty-two. Only Jesus can satisfy an aching heart.

Aternoon at Nana's

  I spent a fun afternoon with the girls. It makes me so happy when I ring the doorbell at Rachel's and the kids squeal with delight. We got started after packing everything up: cuppies, change of clothes etc. We drove to Winton Woods playground. It was kind of desolate, being a school day. After they were ready to leave, we went to Kroger. They didn't want to ride in the basket, of course, so I let them walk or ride on the outside of the basket. Reminder #1 Don't take 3 year olds to the store if you're in a hurry. I wasn't, so it turned out OK but I did feel myself becoming somewhat impatient. About halfway through the store, Lizzie said she had to go to the bathroom. We left the basket in the cracker aisle and made our way to front of the store. On walking in the restroom, I never realized how loud toilets flushing were. Elizabeth didn't want to sit on the toilet. After Evie did it, she agreed. There were no automatic flushers, so that was good. Lizzie got to control when the toilet was flushed. Those loud flushing toilets are SCARY. On the way home, I realized I had given my car keys to Rachel and I would be locked out of my house. If the outside and inside garage doors were unlocked, I might be in luck. I was able to get in the house through the garage! OK. get the groceries and the girls in the house and fix lunch.
   Did you know that if you put yellow, green, and blue M&M's in milk, the milk turns green. Lizzie carried out that experiment. Evie experimented with gravity by spilling milk on the table and floor with splashes. Then the dogs walked through it and there were little doggie milk prints all over the floor. We spent the afternoon reading and coloring and playing with toys and trying on Nana's shoes. Lizzie says, "I want to wear these princess shoes." They were the shoes I had worn to both Rachel and Emily's weddings.

     The girls didn't want to go home when it was time (I was going to be late to Bible study). Lizzie pulled the old rag doll routine when we got in the van. She wasn't going to get in her seat. So, I put her in her seat. By the time we got one mile down the road, they were both sleeping. We had a memorable day, we'll do it again sometime soon.

The Gift

     What a gorgeous day! Took a walk at Glenwood Gardens. At one point a goldfinch perched about two feet in front of me on a goldenrod. I felt like I could reach out and hold him. It was the strangest sensation. It was almost like I could feel the warmth of his sun-drenched feathers, the weight of him in my hand, and the softness of his little round belly. As he flew away, he chirped his goldenfinch song to me.

     The sky was so blue. You know, that blue on a peacock feather or a dragonfly wing; that deep aquamarine that has been imitated many times but never copied. I felt like a princes today with all the gifts of nature lavished on me from my Heavenly Father. Yes, I am a princess. My Father is the King and I am his daughter. He is the Lord of the hosts of angels, the Creator God of the universe, Abba Father, Daddy, Papa. He is my Father and he has taken care of me, He is taking care of me in this moment, and He will always, always take care of me.

Foot in Mouth

Did you ever want to grab the words just spoken out of the air and put them back where they came from? I had that experience today and I've agonized over it ever since. Oh yeah, I apologized - but if I just wouldn't have said it. Jesus said, "Out of the heart, the mouth speaks," that's the scary thing. Do I really have that ugliness in my heart? God have mercy.

Present Perfect

I've been reading Greg Boyd's "Perfect Presence, Finding God in the Now". I'm going to share some excerpts from his book that have spoken to my heart.

Unfortunately, many Christians seem to have a "magical" understanding of Christianity that leads them to assume their life is surrendered to Christ because they once pledged to do just that. They pray a "sinner's prayer" and think that this somehow - magically - means they have a real relationship with Christ. But it doesn't, any more than making marriage vows magically produces a loving relationship between two people.

I believe this is the most prevalent and tragic misunderstanding that afflicts contemporary Western Christianity. We make a vow to submit our life to Christ but then spend 99 percent of our time excluding him from our awareness. We make him Lord over our life in theory, but we do not make him Lord over most of the moments that make up our life.

Until God establishes his kingdom on the earth, we can't escape decay and death. But we can, right now, escape fear and dread that many experience as a result of this. For right now, the midst of our perpetually decaying environment, God is present. While we are physically dying every moment, the One who is eternal Life invites us to participate in his Life each moment. While everything around us crumbles to the ground, the One who never came into being and who cannot pass away invites us, each moment, to sare in the eternal sameness and perfect security of his perfect love. While the reign of God will only be fully established in the future, we can make each moment of our life a moment over which God reigns, simply by submitting to him. 

Freedom from fear and dread is one decision away, and it can be made in this moment. Freedom is simply a matter of letting go of everything as a source of ultimate worth and significance as we surrender ourselves completely to our ever-present, loving Father.

Begin by reminding yourself that the only thing that is real is this moment and the only thing that ultimately matters is that you are submerged in God's love right now. Remain mindful of the fact that the perfect love that God expressed by becoming a human and dying on a cross to redeem you engulfs you right now. Remind yourself that you could not be more loved than you are this moment. You could not have more worth than you have this moment. Your life could not be more significant than it is at this moment. Remain mindful of the truth that this is not because of anything you have achieved or ever will achieve in your life. It's because of who God is and who you are, as defined by Calvary. Remind yourself that this perfect love never began, never ends, is never threatened and never wavers. As you breathe your next breath, let it represent your decision to breathe in God's loving presence and all these truths associated with it.

As you breathe in God's love, exhale everything else. Because God loves you trust that if there's anything you truly need God will give it to you, as Jesus taught us. Relinquish (exhale) all your possessions, achievements, reputation, future aspirations, health, beauty, relationships, and anything else that could possible be a false source of worth and significance to you. As you relax n the sufficency of God's presence, see all these potential idols evaporate in the light of God's ever-present love, like a morning mist disappearing with the first rays of the rising sun.

Now, while continuing to remaining aware of God's presence, notice what happened to whatever anxiety you may have had. If you are truly present, breathing in God's love and exhaling everything else, you will have found that your anxiety has disappeared. If you are truly present, it cannot help but disappear - just as it cannot help but reappear if you once again begin to cling to idols and get pulled out of the present moment. For as we've seen, our fear and dread are directly associated with our pursuit of idols and, therefore, being pulled out of the present into the past or future. To relinquish the idols and remain in the present, surrender to God's ever-present love.

In this way the practice of the presence of God completely frees us from the fear of death. Freedom from anxiety is one of the surest evidences you are learning how to abide in Christ moment-by-moment. If we remain surrendered to God, we've already died to everything decay and death could ever threaten to take away. Our treasure is no longer in things that moths can eat and thieves can steal. Our heart is no longer set on things that aging and misfortune can affect. Our life is securely hidden in Christ, whose love never changes. In fact, to the extent that we're surrendered to God every moment, we've "been crucified with Christ and [we] no longer live, but Christ lives in [us]" (Galations 2:20). 

 

 It is my desire, that I would increase the amount of submitted moments in my day. Now I know that I don't want to stress about the future, so this moment is submitted to God. I breathe in God's love and I breathe out all my anxieties, insecurities, and false sources of worth. I know I can be no more loved by God than I am right now. My life is securely hidden in Christ and I have nothing to fear. For the God who has no beginning, and no end, and who never wavers - loves me.

 

My Grandbabies

Evelynn is the Sarella firstborn (by three minutes). She loves to sing and dance. She has an amazing understanding for a three-year-old of certain concepts. The other day, she gave me a lecture on being patient and asking for help when you don't know what to do. She said that you need to seek help instead of crying when you get frustrated. Within a couple of hours she had a meltdown of out-of-control crying and a period of unconsolable irrationality. Oh well, don't we adults understand a concept in our heads and not be able to carry it out in real life?

Elizabeth is the middle child and the second-born twin. She is the princess and the pretender. She will talk for hours about what's happening in her own little world, all she needs is an audience, or not. She is quick to say, "I love you." Her hugs are amazing. 

Nathan spends his days exploring his world with the greatest intensity of any little guy I've ever seen. He is his own person. He loves music and has an uncanny sense of rhythm, strumming his guitar, bobbing his head, tapping his foot, and singing - all at one time. 

Nana Love Preview

     This blog is about me. It's about my struggles, my failures, my challenges, and my victories. I'm a mother, grandmother, wife, nurse, - a Christian practicing everyday;  learning how to worship God in everything I do and submitting every moment to Him.